So here in New England today we had a snow storm. We have not had many this winter, which has been nice. They started to close all the schools yesterday and put out parking bans. My boys are with their dad until tomorrow afternoon, so I got a fun snow day at home with Daddy.
He and I were up early, had our coffee then started our day. I was very productive and got a ton of stuff done by 1:30 pm. I did five loads of laundry, which included everyone’s sheets and blankets, we cleaned off our cars, decided to crazy and go to the grocery store to buy a few to make a yummy dinner. Lucky the store is around the corner, literally, I could hope the fence behind my building and be in the parking lot. Very conveniate place to live lol. Anyway there was not a lot of people out, mostly plows, and even less at the store. It was nice being there. Very quiet, not a lot chaos. All of that happened yesterday. We here in New England panic when we here about snow. I swear you would think its the first time for people experiencing it. If you grew up here you know what to expect, in winter we get snow. It happens people. Anyway, so we went got our stuff and came home.
It is a great day to cook and watch movies. So I made blueberry scones, I made Irish soda bread and had another cup of coffee. I sat around and read a bit. Now it’s 3:45 and the snow is starting to slow. It’s very windy outside and that causes a lot of snow drifts. So Daddy is outside cleaning off the cars again. We are going to make some yummy salmon and avocado salsa later and watch some stuff on Netflix. A nice day so far. Tomorrow it will back to reality and work. Lots to do on my website for my soap business, which is coming along nicely I must say, thanks to Daddy. I am not much of a computer person.
Well that’s it for today. Hope everyone here in this neck of the woods is staying stay.
So it’s been some time since I have written. I don’t even know where to start. It seems that my life lately has been one challenge after another. I have lots my motivation, lost my love of some things and I’m finding it difficult to get those feelings back.
There have been choices I have had to make that were very hard and I am not sure I can speak them out loud for fear of the emotions that will come out. In a way I have pushed things down so I can try to move forward. I am aware though that that is not the best option. That they always surface, sometimes stronger than before and at the wrong time. I have not found the right way or person to speak to about them.
My relationship has not been the best either. We are at a point where I am unsure of our future. I have never thought that I would be at this place with him. Questioning where to go from here and if I want to stay and push through. I have become tired of pushing through and just getting by. I find it very hard to speak to him. I have grown distant from him, begone to shut down and not share things. He is aware of it all too. He doesn’t want things this way but he isn’t doing anything to really change either. So we are in a cycle, running on a hamster wheel going nowhere. He has his fears and insecurities from past things. We all do. But there comes a point in life when you have to ask “is this how I want my life? Is this how I want to feel all the time?”
You need to think about that and make a choice. Even if it hurts. Make it and be brave enough to do it. Have a little faith that things will go well.
That’s where I am I think. Questioning my life. Hopefully the answers will come soon.
I have mentioned in other posts that I make my own soap. I was able to sell some at Christmas and get it out there. I started building my website last night too. Getting more and more excited about it. Going to start making batches every day to sell.
It’s been a while since I have written anything. There has been so much going on that I have just wanted to hide away. But since it is the new year I made a promise to myself. I was going to be more honest about my feelings, regardless if the other people do not like it. I was going to take more time for me, doing the things I love, not what others love.
I have thought about my relationship as well, I am not sure it is going to work. I am not sure he can give me what I need. He tries, at least he says he will try but I deserve more. I am a good person and love with my whole self.
It’s been a trying 8 months but I am really hopefully that this next year will bring me the peace I really need.